xoxoANP!

What I’m thinking now, in my rumination en route to the office today regarding last evening’s ennui, is that perhaps I am re-experiencing that Heideggerian being-toward-death action. I wish I had my Cambridge dictionary of philosophy with me, but who thinks to pack such a thing for a business trip to Miami?

Anyhoo if I am recalling correctly, it breaks down like this:

1. Hash is legal there, right?
2. But it’s not 100% legal

Oh wait; what I meant to say was …

1. Part of stepping into the authentic self involves abandonment of prescribed social roles
2. Prescribed social roles include things like your job
3. My job makes me feel like an atom
   1. I’ve gone from managing a team to managing noone
   2. Half of the people I work with are based in Queens; the other half in Miami. My desk is in Manhattan.
   3. None of the people that surround me in my Manhattan office work on anything remotely similar to what I’m doing.
4. So, I have no script from which to read
5. I must come up with it on my lonesome
6. On. My.  Lonesome.

And so, I am missing that feeling of connectedness to a group, to a tribe. I have friends but my closest are far-flung: Berlin, Los Angeles, Indianapolis. I live alone. I have a role within my family that is essentially a win-lose (”We expect you to win everything, and yet we will resent you when you do.”).

Dot dot dot

Dot dot dot

Dot dot dot

I have no conclusions. But I am thinking about the idea of GPS systems for life. Ones that can tell you “You have arrived” once you have arrived (sometimes we forget and cannot see ourselves clearly; we cannot recognize what we have achieved). Ones that can plot, step by step, how to get to where you want to go. (The hard part: figuring out where you want to go, n’est-ce pas?)

Related to GPS-4-Life (EFIL4ZAGGIN!), what does 2008 bring? (If you remember, 2007 was the year of the aggro according to a certain cult.)

cult say o’seven was the ending of cycles & patterns… esp. Patterns of self-inflicted oppression. Therefore o-seven was a time when all those got expressed …

So, what then? The field has been tilled and is now ready for fresh planting? Is this why I am feeling ennui? I am emancipated from imposed prescriptions-for-self and now must flounder a bit, find the rock within, and steadfastly program my GPS 4 Life with the goal TBD?

One step at a time.  I need to find me the nearest KFC or Mickey D.