1. So I want to use these cute cookie cutter things, but the sugar cookie dough keeps floppin’ around! I tried sticking the dough in the fridge longer, or excessively flouring up all surfaces … to no avail.  Any advice?
2. Video:  “I want to know about the male penis.”  Me too, kid.  Me too.  via SoKoLovely
3. Foodums 2.0:  Feed Me Bubbe!  If I ever go back to JDate (outlook not good), I’ll have to review these in detail.  via Ari Null Set Paparo
4. Scorpios are just “okay“, biznatchee?!?!
5. “It’s a wonderful life” = communist propaganda

I gripped this recipe from the October 2006 of Latina magazine* (which I enjoy and recommend despite the occasional minor editing boo). I am ghetto when it comes to making omelets but don’t worry, they still taste the same if when you botch the flipping.

I like this because it’s like scrammied egg with home fries all in one.

Spanish omelet

Servings: 4 / Cooking time: 1 hour

Took much less than an hour to whip this up

Ingredients:

• 1-2 tsp. olive oil
• 3 medium potatoes, sliced
• 1/2 tsp. salt
• 4 6 large eggs
• Sauteed onions, pepper and parsley (optional)

Preparation:

In medium saute pan, place potatoes (you should have enough to make a layer three potatoes deep over the bottom). Add olive oil, then fry potatoes until soft on inside and crispy and browning on outside. Season with salt.  (Pic)

In bowl, place eggs, add small amount of water and whisk. Pour eggs over potatoes, lifting them so eggs mix well. (Pic) Over medium-low heat, cook until omelets set and brown on bottom, then flip and repeat.

When done, remove omelets, place on plate and cut into wedges. (Pic)

Add sauteed onion (pic), pepper or parsley, if desired.

Does anyone know which meal this is “supposed” to be eaten at? I ate mine with ketchup and a dash of sugar at dinnertime.

I leave you with … “I hate those overly-proud Hispanics!” — Overheard on the L train

* My review of Latina:

I don’t think it’s fair to make Latina magazine be the be-all, end-all magazine for American Latinas. It’s not like we throw a fit when Cosmopolitan perpetuates “female” stereotypes. I understand that for minorities, it would be nice to hold mainstream media to a higher standard, but sometimes, don’t you just want to kick back on the couch and not stress?

For those moments of kicking back, not stressing, and not finding fault with everything around me, I love reading Latina magazine. Thoughtful articles and first-person essays, easy recipes, and great trends.

And, I’m not even Latina — I’m Asian-American. And I have to say, reading this magazine has made me appreciate just that much more how we are all sisters in this world, just trying to find happiness, love, and a hot pair of shoes.

This is a recipe that North Carolina’s Honorable Michael Easley sent to A&W. And, despite the math challenges, it was delicious.

North Carolina stuffed chicken breast

Ingredients

• 6 boneless skinless chicken breasts (6 oz. each)
• 6 North Carolina breakfast sausage links or patties (2 oz. each)

  I used the bougiest links I could find, but they weren’t North Cackalacka

• 2 12 tbsp. red onion, diced

  The non-meat ingredients were perplexing to me. Either I didn’t flatten the chicken breasts enough or Mr. Easley really sucks at math; the stuffing to boobs ratio seemed disproportionate. It seemed that the amounts were per chicken breast. So I multiplied by 6. But then I felt like I hadn’t flattened the breasts enough. Woe.

• 1 6 tbsp. celery, diced
• 1/3 2 c diced North Carolina Golden Delicious apples
• 1/4 1 1/2 tsp. dried basil
• 1/4 tsp. dried thyme
• 1/4 tsp. dried sage
• 1/2 tsp. dried parsley

  I didn’t use any of these as I didn’t have on hand

• 1/3 2 cups shredded Swiss cheese
• 1/3 2 cups & 1 6 tbsp. bread crumbs
• 2 12 tbsp. golden raisins
• 3 oz. 1 cup heavy cream

  Couldn’t sextuple; I only had a cup

• Kosher salt and fresh ground black pepper to taste

Directions

1. Place chicken breast skin-side down between two sheets of plastic wrap, pound the chicken to 1/2 inch thickness using a meat mallet or the bottom of a heavy saucepan. Season with salt and pepper. Set aside.
2. Cook breakfast sausage in skillet until fully cooked. Cool, crumble, and chill.
3. Saute diced vegetables and fruits over medium / high heat until soft. Add herbs, cheese, bread crumbs, raisins, and walnuts. Cool mixture.
4. Place chilled sausage and sauteed mixture in a mixing bowl. Toss to combine. Add heavy cream until mixture is stuffing consistency. (Pic)
5. Divide stuffing evenly among chicken breasts. Start with narrow end of breast and roll up placing seam-side down on an oiled baking sheet. (Pic)

   Then I discovered that my sextupling of the ingredients meant I had too much stuffing, so I baked the excess stuffing on the side and enjoyed that as a sausage-y side dish. (Pic) Mmm.

6. Bake at 400 degrees for 12 to 15 30 minutes.

   And related to the thick chix boobs, I was worried I’d undercooked, so I actually doubled the cooking time on this.

7. Cover, let rest for 5 minutes. (Pic)

All that said, all these food items together were really yummerly, and I’m going to try to figure out what the proper proportions are at some point. Raisins + breakfast sausage + apples + chicken? Yeah, I’ll do the work to fix Easley’s bad maff. You can bet on it.

If any of you can also offer suggestions, please do.

(Why A&W didn’t test all these recipes before publishing their user-generated-content cookbook also perplexes …)

This recipe is taken from the 2003 Digitas Food Fest Cookbook. It makes an absolutely delicious pie.

Please note that all text in the blockquote is written by the recipe author. My comments are italicized.

Devonshire Apple Pie by Wesley Blount

Serves 6-8

Ingredients

1 Pie crust (I use Keebler shortbread crusts, but graham cracker works too, or a regular crust would too, I guess… but the shortbread adds a nice flavor)

I used regular; have never seen shortbread crusts but I’mma keep my eyes peeled

Filling

• 4 Apples (Fuji, Granny Smith, Golden Delicious, McIntosh, or a combination of all four) peeled and sliced.

  I used a variety of apples from my trip up to Greig Farm in Red Hook, New York because I wanted to burn through apples for fear they would rot. I may have used six.

• 3/4 cup granulated sugar
• 1/4 cup brown sugar
• 6 tbl all-purpose flour
• 1/2 tsp cinnamon
• 1/4 tsp nutmeg
• 1/8 tsp salt
• 1 tsp lemon juice
• 1/2 cup sour cream

Topping

• 1/2 cup all purpose flour
• 1/2 cup brown sugar
• 4 tbl butter, softened

Directions

Pie/filling:

1. Preheat oven to 350.
2. Peel core and slice apples to your preferred thickness; I slice paper thin, ’cause that’s what I learned at home, and I think it makes for crisper apples. Some people like thick. I can respect that.

   Since my Wusthof was brand new when I tried this recipe, I tried thin and must say I loved it. If you’ve always had your apples thick, try thin and see how you like ‘em.

3. Put sliced apples in large bowl.
4. Add dry ingredients to bowl. Now, a word here about the flour. The original recipe called for 1 tbl of flour, but that has caused something akin to apple soup and a burnt oven. The flour is meant to cause the cream sauce to thicken, but it may take a little trial and error to allow for the liquid produced by the apples, the sour cream and the butter. Using fairly dry apples, I find about 6 tbls works best. To be fair, I’ve never made the pie too dry adding extra flour.

   Seconded. And if I had, isn’t that what milk is for? (Cue the gagging of my little sister.)
   

5. Add the lemon juice, sour cream, and gently stir the mixture so as to coat the apples. If you stir too roughly you’ll break the slices. Be especially sure to break up the brown sugar, or you’ll get these really sweet brown lumps in your pie.
6. Pour the apple mixture into the pie crust and spread evenly. (Pic 1; Pic 2)

Topping:

• To make the streusel topping, place the flour and brown sugar in a mixing bowl. Add the 1/2 stick butter, and using a pastry cutter (or two knives, but it’s laborious), combine the butter, flour, and sugar into a granular topping. The better you do this, the less liquid-y the pie. Sprinkle topping on top of apples. (Pic 3)
• Cook for 40 minutes. Remove and place on a rack to cool. Let it cool, this will set the liquid in the filling. On Thanksgiving, we accomplish this by doing the pies first and letting them cool all day. (Pic 4)

I couldn’t decide whether to have my pie with tea or with cider, so I had it with both. (Pic 5)

Enjoy!

The Honorable Bill Owens from the State of Colorado submitted this recipe to the marketing folks at A&W Root Beer. My version of it was damned tasty.

Here ’tis:

Colorado Root Beer Baked Beans

Ingredients

• 2 5 strips bacon, diced
• 1 small onion, diced
• 2 jars baked beans (18 oz. each)
• 1/2 cup root beer (not diet)
• 1/4 cup barbecue sauce
• 1/2 tsp. dry mustard
• 6 drops hot pepper sauce (I used Cholula)
• Fresh ground pepper to taste

Directions

Cook bacon with onion in a medium saucepan until bacon is brown and crisp. (Photo) Add remaining ingredients. Heat to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer, stirring often until slightly thickened (about 20 minutes). (Photo)

Makes 6 4 (big girl) servings.

Anybody got a match?

Email from Heather (naturellement):

VODKA AND RED BULL CHRISTMAS CAKE 

Ingredients:

1 cup water
1 cup of brown sugar
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
Lemon Juice
4 large eggs
Nuts
1 bottle of Vodka
1 can of Red Bull
2 cups dried fruit

Method:

1. Sample the vodka to check the quality.
2. Take a large bowl, check the vodka again.
3. To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and mix with a little red bull and drink.
4. Repeat.
5. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
6. Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again.
7. At this point its is best to make sure the vodka is still ok.
8. Flavour with red bull to taste.
9. Try another cup - just in case, turn off the mixerer.
10. Break two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
11. Pick fruit off floor
12. Mix on the turner.
13. If the dried fruit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.
14. Shample the vodka to check for tonsisticitity, flavour with a little Bed Rull.
15. Next ssiffft two cups of salt. Or something … Who giveshz a shit anyway
16. Throw a pinch of Bed Rull over your shoulder
17. Pick up the can, mop the floor
18. Check the vodka
19. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
20. Add one table.
21. Add a shpoon of shugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.
22. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over..
23. Don’t forget to beat off the turner
24. Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the vodka and kick the dog.
25. Fall into bed.

CHERRY MISTMAS!!!!

 

Here are two grilled cheese sammich recipes I tried, originally gripped from Domino:

For both variants

All you need is two thick slices of hand-cut bread,

(Uh, yeah, I substituted here … obviously …)

a tablespoon of softened butter

(I mean, once it hits the Le Creuset, it gets soft on its own, right?)

and the filling combo of your choice. Spread butter on one side of both slices of bread,

(not both sides of both slices … ahem)

lay the bread on a work surface, butter-side down, and put the fillings inside. Place sandwich in

(in?)

an already hot

(”tub, hot & sweaty”)

nonstick pan … on medium heat. Cook 5 minutes, flip, then cook 2 more minutes. Cut … in half and serve immediately.

Gorgonzola & Honey

Sandeman introduced me to Gorgonzola in the form of a burger at Thataway’s. Mmm.

• 2 oz. Gorgonzola (I used aged)
• 1/2 tsp. honey (I just poured the stuff on so that the ratio of cheese to honey was about 3:1)
• bread that has nuts in it

Domino recommends washing it down with Trader Joe’s Ace Pear Cider, but good ole’ apple cider works just fine.

The honey blends nicely with the gorgo, and the nuts balance out the softness of the filling.

Smoked Mozzarella, Prosciutto & Basil

• 4 oz. smoked mozzarella, sliced
• 3 thin slices prosciutto (about 1 1/2 oz.)
• 5 fresh basil leaves
• Italian bread

Domino recommends drinking Duche de Longueville’s “Antoinette” cider, but lambic pear tasted jist fine by me. The sweetness of the drink balances out the saltiness of the sammich.

Per Domino’s reco, I ate these with pickles, whose jars I primed by removing the label under hot water. Finally, I got to make use of the various pickled veggies I received from vendors during the 2005 holiday season!

In my infinite thriftiness, I buy bulk packs of meat from FreshDirect.

Upside: per unit cheapyness!
Downside: cooking meats in bulk (or not being lazy when the meat arrives and freezing them seperately)

I made half a dozen pork chops last week and loved the first one, all coated in roasted apples plucked from Grieg Farm.

I even liked the second one, on night two.

And the third, heated up in the microwave at the Bank.

Number four didn’t suck.

Half of number five is still in the fridge at the Bank.

Okay.

So.

Number six.

I’m out of ramen noodres, so chopping it up and putting it in with some noodz is not in the question.

So what the heck can I do with this thing? I don’t think that large chunks of meat should be tossed into my newest favorite rando soup recipe (read: toss a buncha sauteed stuff into a blender), and I can’t save it for the shrimp n collard greens gumbo.

Any advice, all you culinary experts?

What happens when I’m alone in the kitchen

I’m trying to use up all the food in my refrigerator. Food product #1: Tub o’ Crisco.

Recipe is modified from Wyoming’s Best Snickerdoodle Cookies as collected in some recipe book by A&W Root Beer.

Ingredients:

1 c Crisco
1.5 c sugar
2 eggs
2.5 c flour
1 tsp baking soda
0.5 tsp salt
optional: 2 tsp cream of tartar

cookie coating:
3 Tbsp sugar
1 T cinnamon

Directions:

Preheat oven to 375.

Cream together shortening, sugar, and eggs. In a separate bowl (which I failed to do … oops) mix the remaining ingredients; add this mixture to the creamed stuff in small parts (about 0.5 c at a time worked well for me). Roll into balls somewhere between the size of a walnut and a golf ball and coat in a mixture of 3T sugar and 1T cinnamon.

Bake on an ungreased cookie sheet for 10 minutes. I put tin foil on the sheet so that I should put together a second sheet while the first bunch was baking. After ten minutes, check to ensure that the cookie center has fallen (it should be fine). If not, bake a little longer.

Take out and cool on a rack. I don’t have a rack and used a metal colander and was fine.

Enjoy! I’d post a picture but I’m too lazy.