xoxoANP!

Hi Clark. We haven’t met. Nice hair, though.

Look. I’ve got a little problem with a quotation attributed to you in the December 11 issue of AdWeek, in an article entitled Traditional Shops Fishing For Talent in Digital Waters.

“If you want a career in digital marketing, you’re better off being in a company that’s 100 percent in digital marketing,” added Avenue A / Razorfish worldwide president Clark Kokich. “If you’re part of a company that’s 5 percent, you’re not that critical.”

Oh, Clark. You’re sounding a wee bit like a vocational school grad, so content to puke widgets and not be a change agent or thought leader. How very unbecoming.

Look, I understand you were probably comparing traditional agencies versus interactive agencies. That’s fine. But even there, your deeply misguided stance has put you in the very unfortunate position of being on the receiving end of what I like to call –

Wait, side note. Have you seen the SNL Dick - In - A - Box vid? No? Okay, well I still think you’re gonna like –

Nuts - On - A - Stick. (Why yes, I am a Scorpio, and thank you for asking.)

Chuck, err, Clark (whatever), here are just a few reasons as to why you, kind sir, are wrong about the “not that critical”.

• Who pays your salary? Could it be … companies that aren’t 100% digital marketers, a.k.a. clients? Or perhaps it’s, hmm, offline agencies that are sub-contracting your firm’s services for the interactive portion of an integrated campaign? Gosh, I don’t know, but last time I checked, the source of funds is a critical part of this whole capitalism thing we’ve got worked out for ourselves. I mean, so, I guess those at firms that aren’t 100% digital, might, umm, be kinda critical to your bottom line, yes? I mean, unless you’re saying you’re some kinda pinko commie.
• Who is better-positioned to connect the dots between offline and online objectives and initiatives? The team swimming in solely digital waters, or folks who are immersed in an environment of both?
• Whose job is it to educate the old guard on new media? Oh, don’t tell me that you do it when you’re pitching. Give me a break. If you’re pitching something, your foot’s in the door. Try being behind the door with folks whose worldview was informed by network television and direct mail packages. Try educating them out the rapidly shifting digital landscape and re-orienting them after decades of training. Try doing it every day, each and every day. Because if you don’t have someone doing that inside huge outfits, folks like the fine company you work for will never get to make an animated .gif. And then you don’t get a paycheck. Which mission is more critical? The guy who keeps the ball rolling, or the grrl who helps people understand that (a) the ball exists (b) it’s a very, very important ball (c) we need to roll that thing?
• How many online marketing companies have you put out of business this year, Chuck? Oh, none? That’s funny. ‘Cause if working for a 100% digital marketing firm makes you so critical, then why is it that someone like me — in a firm that’s less than 5% on a good day — was able to help at least one digital marketing company go under in the past year?
• Who sits on the boxes containing franchise-level MIS? Not “click thrus”. Not “impressions”. But that which flows into the bottom line. P&L informants. Chuck, your line management may involve resource allocation and directing your new business development sniffers to rustle up some high margin website builds, but those who are you and your firm’s raison d’etre are optimizing their digital presence to ensure maximum return. And guess what? They sit at desks in firms that are maybe 5% digital marketing. I’ll never forget working on the American Express account when I was at Digitas. We kept seeing killer click-throughs for banners that touted “Instant Decision”. Our creative directors wanted us to crank that messaging. But guess what? I bet when AmEx looked under the hood, the P&Ls for customers acquired through an “Instant Decision” messaging were hemmorhaging. Digitas didn’t know any better; they saw CTRs. But the actual line managers, I can only imagine, knew the score. If you’re not at the core of a business’ money-making efforts, you’re auxiliary. And last I checked, auxiliary is not equal to critical.
• To posit that individuals who are positioned to connect the dots of the banners, keyword searches, pay-for-performance relationships, global media and positioning, budget allocation, upper management’s mood, private equity firm and venture capital interest in digital-world companies are “not that critical” makes me suspect that you, Chuck, are not that smart. Fact is: critical people exist everywhere. Whether or not someone is critical has little to do with whether they are surrounded by 100% digital marketers or 5% digital marketers. It has everything to do with whether or not they get it. Got it?

Hey, but maybe I’m wrong about all of this. Maybe you are the go-to-guy, Mr. Oh-So-Critical 100% digital marketing. Maybe you have tentacles in the MIS boxes of all your clients, maybe you’ve discovered a way to not rely on the checks of those uncritical five percenters (!), maybe you’re on the front lines of this digital revolution and are about to optimize the code of your personal web presence to ensure maximum return just like you have been since you hand-coded your first web page over a decade ago.

“Not that critical.” The nerve.

Excuse me while I go watch my mailbox for a holiday gift from AdAge’s #2 interactive marketing agency in 2005. I would hate for them to be on the receiving end of the ANP Skewer next. Terrible things have been known to happen to companies who don’t send me holiday cards.