I used to avoid seriously writing about my love interests on this blog for any number of reasons.

1. I didn’t want to hurt my (real) ex-boyfriend’s feelings
2. I was worried that showing interest would scare said love interest off
3. I was multi-tasking and dating more than one person
4. I knew they weren’t that into me
5. I, frankly, wasn’t that into them
6. Part of me knew that I’d only be blogging about them to prove to the world that I was loveable
7. I’m sure that my relationship to my mother is somehow involved as well so I’m putting it in at number 7

But, well, none of that matters anymore, because thanks to many angels in my life, including but not limited to

1. Katherine
2. Edmund
3. My cognitive behavioral therapist (get well soon!)

Plus, non-human methods for achieving inner peace (read: reconnecting with the inner child)

1. Al Anon
2. Cognitive behavioral therapy
3. The Fantasy Bond
4. Oprah magazine
5. The wacky cord-cutting thing encouraged by those crazy Children of Light
6. Yoga (esp. vinyasa)
7. The village zendo
8. Reiki healing circles

… thanks to all of the above, I no longer worry that I might be coming from a place of objectifying inauthenticity should I choose to pen a few words about a person I care about (in a romantic sense) on this here blog. (I’m sure I’m forgetting something in the above lists. )

But while I’m making lists, I thought long and hard about what Dr. Love advised me. “Interests and values,” she said, were key for a lasting, loving relationship. (And butter, I thought.)

So this summer I got rid of the old list (1. 6′2″ 2. Must drive stick 3. No divorcees. 4. Must play basketball and/or baseball. (Geez, what was I; twelve?!)) and thought about a fresh new list describing the ideal partner for the fresh new me. I was going to blog it in August after the very predictable quiet poof of a non-ideal non-partner poofed into the poofy-land, but the job thing and the moving thing and blah blah blah. So, here:

1. He’s gotta be good to me. I’m done with the men (/boys) who make me feel bad about myself, who make me feel insecure, who trigger sadness or inadequacy. I want a man who is genuinely interested in me, as a person, and cares about my feelings and isn’t afraid to demonstrate his own. He’s gotta be affectionate and, in return, allow me to be affectionate with him. He needs to be able to love me.
2. He’s gotta be good to himself. This immediately eliminates smokers and vegetarians, of course. But if a man can’t treat himself well, how can I really expect him to be able to treat me well? Am I right? (This is your cue to say, “Yes, God.”) There’s some good ways to spot a man who loves himself: he doesn’t deny himself unnecessarily, he’s open to new experiences and life in general, he’s probably been to a therapist. But the most important reason that man needs to be good to himself? He needs to be able to let me love him.
3. He’s gotta read. So much of my life and navigation of the world is informed by my early love of reading and, more broadly speaking, my knowledge lust. I do not fundamentally understand people who do not caress pages of books, breathe in their words and allow themselves to be shaped by text. A man with no bookshelves is a man with no ANP!
4. He’s gotta be able to hang with my peeps. This is related to point two, in that, the Yale factor has proven itself more than once to be a key wild card in my romantic relationships. Bottom line is that, whether or not it should be this way, it is: some people are intimidated by Yale; it has a tendency to bring up insecurities. I can’t roll with a weasel that’s not going to bother to put a friggin’ suit on for the damned Yale Medal Dinner, and I cannot hang with a dude that’s going to fume and pout and be generally unable to socialize in a room full of Yalies.