This was written earlier this evening.

I woke up at 4 a.m. this morning and had an urge to fry some ham, bake a croissant, have some yogurt and drink some coffee. And write.

“Democracy is overrated.” <-- The blog title I imagined while tracing the shadows on my ceiling in the thistle morning light

I was angry & sad about the demise of Craigslist, or perhaps I was angry & sad about my realization (albeit belated) of its demise.

It had once been a nice place where I loaded my Jetta with cardboard boxes from a family that had just moved to New Canaan from the Bay Area (2002). Or filled my trunk with books from a woman in Greenwich that was moving to Seattle (2004).

It was also the place that helped other women find DinnerGrrls.org (2001 - 2004)

(the national not-for-profit women’s mentoring & career development organization that I founded in 2001; we were mentioned in the Wall Street Journal, BUST, etc. and had chapters from Miami to Boston to Portland and Denver, etc.)

(Although, in hindsight, perhaps the acquisition source explains the unfortunate decline in attendee quality — and with it, my interest in running it.)

and helped find me dates (2004 - 2005).

(although, in hindsight, fortysomething males with wives, perversions, intimacy issues, children, or any permutation of the above is perhaps not something to tout, but I didn’t know any better then; that was before the word CURED was stamped to my forehead)

But I found, and sold, my ergometer and brief bike Josey on CL. The gig at The Bank was sourced through CL (2004) along with my current apartment (2004). And the dresser that I stole from Vanderbilt was picked up for free by a NFP last night (although I suspect it will be used in the home of a NFP employee and not actually used by the NFP itself).

But when my attempts to donate my desk for free were flagged & removed while I also received a mean email:

Why don’t you just give $ if you care about nfp so much

But I gave 1% of my income to 501c3s last year!

you just want a tax deductible letter

Totally not true! I specifically said in the first post (that was subsequently removed) that I did NOT want a donation letter.

By the time my girl Rachel called me, influenced by the feminine tidal wave of emotions, I immediately blubber and cry into the phone.

(“You know you sound a little crazy right now,” she informed me after I told her why I was sad.

“And I just started my period!!!” I wailed, searching for something to wipe my snot on.

She laughed. “Alright, well at least you realize you sound crazy.”)

So at 4 a.m. I had wanted to write about democracy being overrated, how enlightened despotism gave Brazil a green city, how opening to the masses = a race to the middle, how of course Iraq is a mess because there is no critical mass of a middle class, how Web 2.0 is needed and is effective because it filters democracy, allows elitism and exclusivity, how left to their own devices the hoi polloi will spam us with porn and guns and hate.

But then after work, inspired by an article I read on my company’s website, I went to a Reiki healing energy circle thing tonight. It completely moved me. Sure, I cry simply when reading my own essays aloud in my writing class, but this felt vortex-y and different. Different even from when I received the gift of the Holy Ghost as a Latter Day Saint.

You know that tart tight feeling you get in the back of your mouth, perhaps after drinking yummy cherry nectar from Red Jacket Orchards that you purchase from the green market in Fort Greene Park (ahem)? I feel that now, sitting at a table outside at a restaurant on Spring & Thompson. Famished! Thirsty! Who knew that energetic healing work would open up chakras and my appetite?

So I am feeling happy and loving and connected to everyone, even the guy who just drove by on his motorcycle with really loud death metal blaring, even the suburban teens on their dirt bikes asking how to get back to the Brooklyn Bridge because that’s where they parked their truck, even the waiter hovering outside who wanted to fight with me about how to get to the Brooklyn Bridge.

We are all connected, and while the folks on Craigslist may be at a different phase in their spiritual journey, and while the phase I’m at makes me ultra-sensitive to negative energy, it doesn’t necessarily follow that democracy is overrated.

Maybe it’s just that “alternative” (?!) approaches to healing, such as Reiki, are underrated. Maybe the first principles goal of an integrated self, and society, is that which is underrated. I don’t know.

Tonight, with the Fleet Week fireworks echoing in the background, and an in-season soft shell crab in front of me, all I know is:  I am happy.

Whole.

Now, if I could just find a home for my desk. (Housing Works didn’t want it.)